Hamburger Pimp

Ouch!

Happy birthday and that, Ms Hair and Tokyo Girl.

18.00

You do realise that Cambo and Cambois are different places, don't you? Either way, your comments regarding blowing the place up strike me as rather foolish. No offence.

Foul! You didn't say what your favourite motorbike is.

Monsta and Mongo . There mad!!!!!!111!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!! Question: Who would win in a fight, Michael Knight from "Knight Rider" or Terry McCann from "Minder"?

Presumably you mean Stoke, aka "Smoke on Trent".

Not "Pamela Anderson naked" then?

Ye gads, has it come to this? Basic arithmetic problems.

Actually, if it was a married woman from Bedlington, the wedding ring probably came off the moment they left the town. Eh? Eh?

Only one dog going to Bedlington, the others are going the other way.

Yes. Unless you're Blank.

Whoever you asked, they would tell you the way to Village B, which is what you want. It's not rocket science.

I prefer salt and vinegar on my chips.

Eeeh, them Timelords, eh?

I'll tell you who I like on Japanese telly: Dandy Sakano. "Gets gets gets!" and all that. Marvellous.

Geremi is a class act, should slot in at right back no bother. Barton is an excellent midfielder, better than Scott Parker. If Sam can get him to behave himself he could be a future captain. Viduka is good on his day. A fat, lazy, dirty knacker when he can't be bothered. Hopefully playing in front of a packed stadium will have a motivational effect on him. Don't know much about the Czech fellow. They still need a left-back though.

His gender? That would be male.

I'm delighted that the Monsta is giving us his informed views vis a vis association football. I love owt like that.

Let us not forget that the smoking ban (some say "No smoking ban") was introduced to protect non-smoking employees from the cancerous effects of passive smoking. While it may be a massive shame that smokers have to move five yards to go and stand outside in the company of their fellow addicts, let us not go confusing their plight with that of the starvin' marvins in Africa, or our brave boys getting blown up for no particular cause in Iraq.

He's got the key, he's got the secret.

Oh, yes indeed. I will be there with my hair in a braid.

I love a good laugh.