Denzel

Stay in bed and indulge in some onanism.

He's a social commentator in the 'Normski' mould.

Percy is still there, but nowadays we have things called 'off-licences' where you can purchase alcohol for home consumption!

Council houses?! How very common.

You've forgotten more than the curator will ever know.

Disgusting. Almost as funny as the Dolmio adverts dubbed over by a mad Scotsman.

To be honest, cleaning toilets has got to be better than labouring at a fish factory.

Pete isn't quite the harbinger of doom we'd mistaken him for.

6 points in the bag for us.

A classic strapline.

Does she want my email address?

This is my idea of an informal, yet informative, museum... http://www.sexmuseumamsterdam.nl/index2.html

So how was the big event? Is it true that they have been touted as the next 'Then Jericho'?

Rubbish; you'll be telling me next that there are large fields of pigs which are there specifically to be slaughtered and turned into sausages and black pudding.

An excellent pub-trivia fact.

Did you buy your first pint of it with a bag of salt Pete?!

Some of these new-fangled videos are a bit risque for my liking.

I assume this was before he changed into a handbag-waving mincer?

Yes, I'm afraid being Jimmy Hill has it's drawbacks; namely, the Jeremy Kyle Show. Television for the disenfranchised. GET OFF YOUR COLLECTIVE ARSES AND GET JOBS YOU SPONGING DOLESCUM BASTARDS!

Agreed, they don't get mentioned often enough for my liking.

Trouble is all the buffoons round here will continue to vote Labour. Give someone else a try.

As ever, the Colonel has his finger on the pulse.

There's some cash strewn across my bedroom floor - why don't you bend over and pick it up?

Nuclear power is where it's at; I think every right-minded person would agree that a few deformed bairns is a small price to pay for a warm house.

Boo, hiss, Pete's nothing more than a fraudster and a sham. We demand a proper top-tipster, not his drunken ramblings. Sort it out Threegee.