Denzel

Peanut butter and banana - works for me everytime.

Mr Darn, you are my very first cyber-pal. Are you wearing any knickers?!

Also playing at the Tyne Theatre on 29th November. Life is peachy.

I saw NUFC's midfield dynamo Scott 'Scotty' Parker yesterday, driving a particularly mean looking silver Merc. He looks like a liddle fella.

Howay then Mr Darn - you'll have to invite the lads on a fishing trip!

True, I use a Heath Robinson system involving flags, smoke signals and a waterwheel.

If it's on TV then it's true Dave. Simple as that.

Thanks for pointing that out you spluttering buffoon.

What's a 'har'?

Nah he's jacked in spending his nights round the old Joanna. Says there's too many Ginger's in pubs these days.

It's only 29 days until Rockney gods Chas 'n' Dave storm Whitley Bay Lighthouse. Personally, I can't wait. Gertcha!

No messing around in the Neck household - that money can be reinvested in local business - I predict a sudden upsurge in sales of White Lightning and Campbell's meatballs. Undoubtedly the cornerstone of any decent romantic night in.

There's nowt wrong with a flaggon of cider Dave!

I wonder how the fire started? Very mysterious.

I don't know any other way Dennis.

It's not 'Legz Akimbo' is it?!

Sell it on That online auction site that is in no way as good as Free Bedlington.co.uk Classifieds. Or drink it.

He's probably nicked a few.

It sells silver trinkets - I suspect to middle class dropouts with names like 'Swampy'.

All hail the Mabbmeister.

It was built in 1998.

The Pimp House has hot water - and damn good it is too!

We are currently experiencing water supply problems in Bedlington, Stakeford, Guidepost, Choppington, parts of East Cramlington and Seaton Deleval areas of our region. This is due to two 18" mains bursts on our network. We have been working through the night and recognise the inconvenience that is being caused as a result of this burst. We have been able to isolate the burst section of main where we believe the first burst is located however as we tried to refill the system it became apparent that another burst had occurred. We have isolated this burst and are attempting to refill the network so as to restore supplies. We would like to thank all our customers for their continued patience and would like to reassure everyone that we are doing everything we can to resolve this problem as soon as possible. You couldn't make it up. Loads more bowsers appearing on the streets according to our favourite utility's website; but no use crying over spilt milk. Oh, I mean water.

And being council workers only one bloke would be doing any semblance of graft - the others would be stood around, watching or reading a tabloid.